The Many Faces of Mother's Day

Loss Through Death
​I woke up this, Mother's Day morning, and checked in with my heart.  It was  light and somewhat sparkly as I was anticipating some family time at the local coffee shop. I was surprised that I was not a pile of tears, thinking about the absence of Chloe on this day, but I was also filled with gratitude. 

The sun was radiant and the sky was blue.  I grabbed a blanket and a water bottle and headed to the woods to spend a little time with Chloe.  I got settled in and closed my eyes, letting the sun warm my face.  I felt peaceful, but also missing Chloe.  I didn't feel the ache and the tears were surprisingly far away today. After talking to her a little, I began my meditation and visualization to bring her into my space.  I  invited her to be with me and saw her walking down the lane and up the hill to sit beside me.  I sat in this silent exchange of existing together and sharing deep love. 

The Sacred Ritual of Connection
This sacred ritual is something I have learned to do over the years and brings Chloe from that "far-away, over-there" place to the close, "right-here" place.  It also keeps me in the present, in the relationship that exists now.  Photographs and memories often propel me into the past, but being present in spirit is that place where I am able to be in the "now."  This is a powerful way for those who have lost loved ones to move absence to presence, which heals the heart.

 Loss Through Abuse, Neglect, Disrespect or Abandonment
Death, however, is only one face of the loss of Mother's Day.  This day can be painful for many other reasons- being estranged from adult children, having a mother with whom a child did not share a warm relationship, abuse, neglect, disrespect or abandonment.  It is often necessary to have a professional help to work through the many layers of pain, but there are other ways you can move through painful days and holidays.  Distraction and busyness are always options, and helpful at times, but generally temporary.  The loss of Mother's Day, in any form, often requires us to get out of our heads and into our spirits and physical bodies. 

Meditation, Visualization and Connection
Our mothers or children exist in our own energy fields, whether they are alive or have transitioned into spirit.  I like to think of it as a spider web (stay with me).  We do not all exist in our own,  isolated web, but are connected in one.  When we shift our thinking from being separate, to being connected, it is easier to understand how close we all are and how we can continue to be together and to heal distressing relationships. While it has been one of the most healing experiences in death, for me,  it is also possible to meet that living parent or child through meditating, and visualizing the love that you want to share.   This seemed like a reach for me at first, but when I started working with it, I found it to be powerful.  I had an intuitive sense about what I needed and then a book or two found its way into my path and it lined up with what I was experiencing.  I found the most crucial  part was, not that I could change my circumstances or loss, but that I could transform the condition of my heart in relationship to my loss.  That is what creates healing. 

The more I saw this working, I wondered if it applied to other separations such as physical distance from a loved one who is living.  One time my daughter, Hope, was out of the country and I had a strong need to make contact with her, but I wasn't sure if she had phone service or if she was just electing to go off the grid.  I did a brief meditation of stating my intention to make contact with her.  At night she came in a dream and I could feel her presence.  The next day I was getting ready for work and was hoping to just get myself to work on time, let alone have time to escape into meditation, visualization, energy fields and spider webs.  So I said a quick, "Hey Chloe, could you have Hope contact me?" Within five minutes I heard the  ding of my phone and looked down to read a message from Hope.  I began to see that both of my daughters were a part of the same, expansive field and we always have access to each other through our connection in that field.  This connection is possible because we are all spiritual beings whether  on the physical  or spiritual plane . 

By now you are either eager to make this happen in your life, thinking you might table it for later, or just chucking it altogether.  Any response is understandable.  If you do feel this would provide you some healing and connection with the loves in your life, I'll give you a brief description of how I work with this. You can adapt it according to your specific needs and beliefs.

Connecting On The Spiritual Plane

• find a quiet spot and close your eyes
• begin breathing for several minutes
• Say, "there is a place that is neither here nor there, a place that we both can share, meet me there."
• visualize the person you would like to connect with
• invite them into your space
• visualize where you want them to sit, in front of you, beside, behind- are you holding hands, embracing, looking into each others' eyes?
• visualize how you want to feel- happy, peaceful, laughing, connected
• say whatever you want the person to hear
• visualize love coming from your heart to your loved one
• allow yourself to connect deeper and deeper
• allow yourself to just be with the person in silence ;don't have any expectations; being together is enough (play some soft music if it is helpful)
• thank your loved one for connecting with you​​

Connecting On The Physical Plane

• find a quiet spot and close your eyes
• begin breathing for several minutes
• visualize the person you would like to connect with
• invite them into your space
• visualize where you want them to sit, in front of you, beside, behind- are you holding hands, embracing, looking into each others' eyes?
• visualize how you want to feel- happy, peaceful, laughing, connected
• say whatever you want the person to hear; be honest about your hurts and express what you want from the person
• visualize love coming from your heart to your loved one
• allow yourself to connect deeper and deeper; see your pain melting or hold it in your hand and blow it away life a feather
• allow yourself to just be with the person in silence; don't have any expectations; being together is enough; stay focused on how you want to feel with this person (play some soft music if it is helpful)
• thank your loved one for connecting with you